I wanted to please my partner. I wanted the pure pleasure. I wanted an orgasm. I wanted to feel connected to the person. The person's physical appearance turned me on. It was a romantic setting. The person really desired me. The person made me feel sexy. The person caressed me. It seemed like the natural next step in the relationship. I wanted to become one with the person. I wanted to deepen our emotional bond.
I was attracted to the person. I wanted to show my affection for the person. I wanted to express my love for the person. The person had a desirable body.
The person had an attractive face. I wanted the experience. The myth is that men are obsessed with sex, while women view it as a way to deepen relationships. The top three reasons why both men and women become sexual have nothing to do with either horniness or love. They are based on attraction and pleasure. Americans focus a good deal of attention on sexual victimization rape, incest, pedophilia , sexual harassment, etc.
These turn out to be among the least frequent reasons for having sex. I wanted to spread a sexually transmitted disease. Someone offered me money to do it. I wanted to get a raise. It was an initiation rite to a club or organization. I wanted to get a job. I wanted to get a promotion. The person offered me drugs to do it. I wanted to punish myself. I wanted to feel closer to God. I wanted to break up my relationship. I feared physical harm if I said no. I wanted to make money. Of course, men and women are different, and despite the similarities just mentioned, they have different reasons for having sex.
The researchers calculated the reasons for sex that differed the most by gender. The person wore revealing clothes. Stated significantly more often by men than women. I wanted to feel masculine. I wanted to relieve "blue balls. I wanted to feel feminine. The person was available. The person's appearance turned me on. I wanted to have an orgasm. The opportunity presented itself. Men were much more likely to have sex based on women's physical characteristics: This finding supports a great deal of research showing that men are sexually stimulated by visual cues for example, pornography.
Women were more likely to have sex based on its contribution to a relationship: I wanted to express my love. I wanted deeper emotional closeness. Again, this finding supports other research showing that most women prefer sex in the context of a committed relationship.
The study that you describe here was on my queue of topics for future posts. OK, I shall now remove it from my "to discuss" list!
How to Increase Your Sexual Power. It's even more challenging when the topic is sexual relationships outside the context of long-term relationships. Despite our 21st-century reality, many of our social norms remain tied to 20th-century sensibilities. The old double standard still looks down on women, but either glorifies or fails to blame men who make a habit of having frequent, uncommitted sex. Setting aside the issue of gender differences for the moment, what do we know about those unintended emotional consequences of short-term sexual liaisons?
As reviewed by Garcia and his co-authors, there are plenty. Feeling perhaps pressured to get involved because "everyone else is," they may develop performance anxiety, ironically setting the stage for future sexual dysfunction. Other common reactions include regret, disappointment, confusion, embarrassment, guilt, and low self-esteem , although other individuals certainly report feeling proud, nervous, excited, and desirable or wanted.
Feelings tended to be more positive before and during a hookup, and more negative afterward. Researchers examining the mental health associations of hookup sex also report that participants who were not depressed before showed more depressive symptoms and loneliness after engaging in casual sex.
Another set of risk factors involve nonconsensual sex. In one study reported by Garcia and colleagues, approximately half the young women surveyed said they'd had a nonconsensual sexual encounter, and alcohol and other substances were more likely to be factors in nonconsensual sex. The majority of the studies on hookups and well-being reported by Garcia and his team were based on small samples, typically drawn from individual college campuses.
But an article by Sacramento State University psychologist Melina Bersamin, to be published in an upcoming issue of Journal of Sex Research, is based on a multi-campus study led by Miami University psychologist Seth Schwartz Bersamin et al.
I am also an author in this very interesting investigation, which included data from over 3, undergraduates at 30 campuses around the United States.
All of the participants in the Bersamin et al study were heterosexual as is the case for the majority of research on this topic , and came from multiple ethnic backgrounds and social classes.
We asked participants to indicate how many times, during the past 30 days, they had sex with someone they knew for less than a week. To tap into feelings of psychological despair, we asked participants to report on feelings of depression , general anxiety, and social anxiety. This difference is typical of those reported in casual sex research and could reflect a genuine, biologically-based sex difference.
Alternatively, the difference could reflect differing socialization influences affecting degree of comfort with admitting to hookup encounters. As we predicted, people who engaged in more hookups had greater psychological distress. College students who recently engaged in casual sex reported lower levels of self-esteem, life-satisfaction, and happiness compared to those who had not have casual sex in the past month.
And students who recently engaged in hookups had higher distress scores as indicated by levels of depression and anxiety. In contrast to the notion that men are okay with casual sex but women are not, we did not find gender differences in the relationships between casual sex and either distress or well-being.
Of course, this was a correlational study. On the positive side, due to the large size of our sample, we were better able than other researchers to institute statistical controls, particularly in terms of the inevitable errors that occur when measuring these sensitive psychological constructs.
People who seek out casual-sex opportunities, particularly those who do so under the influence of alcohol or drugs , may be fighting off persistent feelings of loneliness, depression, and social anxiety that they hope to eradicate or reduce through brief encounters that grant them momentary closeness.
Our findings suggest that even though gender norms, biology, or some combination of the two may lead men to be more likely to seek or at least to report seeking casual sex, there are similar connections as for women between hookups and mental health. Moreover, the fact that we defined casual sex in the way that we did with a stranger within the past month , it is possible that we were tapping into a population at particularly high-risk due to high levels of impulsivity.
At that level, mental-health factors may trump socialization or biology to wipe out gender effects. We need to pay more attention to hookups at all levels, from the young men and women who gravitate toward these relationships, to parents , to college administrators, and to mental-health professionals. It causes cancer and kills. Sometimes as early as late 30s and early 40s. Women are carriers, albeit silent ones. Guys instincts are right, its not a double standard, its a matter of life and death.
And its plain as day in front of your faces.. You are wrong, men are the silent carriers, since there is yet to be a test for hpv in men. Most women get tested every year with their anual check up. Fills a void and highly satisfying. I would like to see a study done on married individuals seeking casual hook-ups.
I think the results might be different. Obtaining casual sex is considerably more difficult for males. Few men have what it takes to be a "ladies man". A man has to have a lot going for him to get women to just jump into bed with him. Therefore, for these men a casual hookup is a confirming ego boost that they are special among men.
Women on the other hand can easily get casual sex whenever she wants. Any man will just jump on the chance. Therefore, for a woman, casual sex proves nothing to her self worth. Getting a man to jump into bed with no strings attached does not take anything special on her part.
I've always thought of "double standards" as more the moral judgement that is so readily passed on those women who wish to engage in sexual activity with more than one partner at the same time, whereas their male counterparts are applauded for the same promiscuous behavior.
The fact that women can easily get casual sex whenever she wants just points to the fact that we tend to have standards that we require before jumping into bed with somebody, you know, like physical attraction and possibly even liking the person. Men are not particular that way, and tend to stick it in anything that moves. That fact has nothing to do with "double standards". On a related note, Slut shaming is alive and well, I can assure you! The double standard is actually there for a reason.
From evolutionary perspective, what women are seeking in a man is strength; somebody who is some combination of physically strong, self-assured, able to shape their environment rather than having the environment shape them, socially dominant, and someone who not only has the ability to acquire valuable assets but also the desire to share those assets with his woman. This stems from the fact that historically sex has always been more expensive for women i.
A pregnant woman or a women with an infant child on the African savannah had a far lower chance of survival if they didn't have a man to provide for her and her child and protect them from harm. At the end of the day, it's all about what works to pass on genes.
For a man on the African savannah, he looked for youth, health and fecundity. He also wanted to ensure that the woman he was investing his time and resources in was bearing his own children so that his genes were the one's being passed on. If a woman was promiscuous and has sex with numerous men, she was a bad mate choice due to the fact that he may be mistakenly wasting his resources raising another man's child ren.
You forgot to mention that a huge contributor for casual sex is the use of alcohol. Both men and women who are under the influence feel less discriminant about who they choose as a partner and are more likely to engage in casual sex. As a woman, I can tell you that it momentarily makes you feel wanted and that's pretty nice.
It's just afterward when they don't want to see you anymore that feels awful and you're back to where you started. If we assume the male students are having sex with the female students, and not with non students, does it not follow that the average female student is having sex with two of the male students. A smaller pool of females are available for hook ups with a larger pool of males, approximately in the ratio 1: I think there is a problem on the conclusions of this article, you cannot have a correlational study and conclude that one variable produced the other one.
That is basic in psych research. Especially a study that utilizes interviews as a basis for it and only college students. And also you cannot even suggest that these conclusions would be the same with older people. At maximum, these studies indicate a link between these variables and the need for further research.
Even though I agree with most of the statements, I do agree because I believe most of us do carry those cultured and surely, some biological, that stands for our human nature moral standards, which is what make us feel this way toward it and develop those emotional issues. This moral confusion is where I see the youth is lost, and there is where you and I are, just in the middle of this jungle. I like the survey included in the article and in fact it is essence of it but it seems as writer is trying to make the two ends joint.
Disagree with the article idea. To feminists, an normal intercourse is seen as a rape and assault. Why don't people take sex as a basic necessity as food? The sooner we admit the truth of replication, the better. I find it odd that men claim to sleep with more women, and women less men, and therefore the percentage statistics boost higher for men than women. As a woman, I know women have much more casual sex than they will ever admit to. In fact I believe women are much more sexually liberated and the insecurities of men are just a reflection of their inability to have sex as freely as women.
In the male dominated field I work in for instance, I see the same women have casual sex with men in the group, the women come in waves of Another scenario, is that casual sex runs rampant among women in Los Angeles, women are in fact sleeping with a different male nearly 5 nights a week, without any judgments.
Its a social scene that is very accepting, and when men boost about this lifestyle of sleeping with a different women every night, its considered normal and factual. Other countries such as Australia and France, tend to have the same judgment free lifestyle, lots of casual sex partners and not too much attention paid to the taboo's associated with casual sex.
I think social dominance wise, men have to appear to be and convince others that they are "alpha" and therefore have more sexual partners. How is it continually side stepped that in order for a. Logistically, you cannot have one without the other, it just doesn't work.
This is a college campus study, most of these students from highly rural areas clustered into a free for all campus environment, most are just finding themselves, social awkwardness and many other components dictating their actions In real life I think the perspective is still skewed but highlights the reality of life experiences and ability to make better judgments pertaining to sexual needs, a basic human need at that, regardless of drugs and alcohol, that just compliments the anxieties levels of "closing the deal".
I think this varies culture to culture among the varying "social" groups. I can attest that men do express loneliness and emptiness as a result of their encounters, a lot of insecurities.
Women, depressions, shame and extreme fears of loneliness, judgments and dependency. Men with STD's tend to be very self sabotaging and revengeful, and women with STD's revengeful or completely withdraw and depressed. Why this writer is not interested in writing about effect of casual sex on physical health with mental health?
It was repeatedly told that cause sex can cause so why this fact is not coming in focus of such article. Obvious feminist propaganda is obvious. This "study" is aimed to scare men to make them want to marry the soonest- to the benefit of women.
Wow, some people have rather skewed and misleading concepts of feminism. Feminism is actually a complex movement with any number of subgroups and internal debates. Different feminists have different ideas about a wide range of sexual issues.
See, for example, http: The idea that all intercourse is rape is actually a misinterpretation of a handful of feminist writings. It appears to be based, at least in part, on Andrea Dworkin's book, Intercourse, which challenges the way sex is often portrayed in society. But she insists that she never actually said all sex is rape, and that that interpretation of her work is overly simplistic and slanderous...
: Sex near you sex psychology
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